It’s been a while….

I’ve had a lot going on, Lupus still sucks -_-

I’ve had some great stuff happen in my career, have received a lot of recognition for the job that I do, I even won an award. Even with all that for the first time since being diagnosed, I’m considering moving back in with my parents. Which would mean quitting my job and moving 300+ miles. Not my first choice in what I want to do but I think it might need to be what I have to do.

On some good news, I’m getting my first dose of Benlysta on Saturday, this could make all the difference in my life, if this works, I may be able to get a hold of my life. However there is a big chance this won’t do anything for me. I am going to document everything in here, how I felt after and any side effects, I think it will be important for anyone looking for information, since Benlysta is pretty new there isn’t a lot of information on the internet yet about it.

My Poor Abandoned Blog

I hate that you’re so lonely, but I guess in a way I am trying to ignore you, if I ignore you, I don’t think about the Lupus and if I can forget about it, I can be happier, at least for a few minutes, until one of my many aches and pains can remind me that I have Lupus and my life sucks :|

FML

I’m so tired today, I feel like I haven’t slept in days but I’ve been sleeping a lot. I feel kind of numb, the only thing I keep thinking is fml…..just fml. This is so frustrating, can I please have one day where I just feel ok? Please? :|

I hate you

I’ve spent a lot of time in the last couple of weeks feeling really down, I’m depressed and I’m really tired. I had a lot of sick days in the last couple of weeks including a full week off of work, this now hurts me financially as I have completely exhausted my PTO/Sick time at work. I don’t know how to feel good anymore, I’m so focused on how much my life sucks that I feel like I can’t change it, but how can I feel good about anything, how can I go on and have a good day when every day is plagued with that sick feeling or even just having to take all those meds every day, everything I do revolves around lupus. A lot of people say well you have to be positive and focus on the good things, that’s way easier said than done, sadly I don’t see how I can be positive at all, all I want to do lately is crawl into bed, turn out the lights and hide under the covers and never come out.

*sigh*

I wish I was more committed to this site :/ I want to be, I really do, but I don’t want to force it.

I’m really tired today, it would have been nice to stay in bed again today but I had to be at work.

It’s been a pretty normal last 2 weeks, lots of bad days, not many good ones. I miss the good days, I don’t know if I will ever have another good day ever again, I wish I would of known those were the good days, I probably would have enjoyed them more than I did instead of taking them for granted.

Having trouble getting started

I’ve had a bit of trouble getting started writing in here but here it goes.

Today sucks, even after being off work for the holiday and having a 3 day weekend, I am completely exhausted, I’m achy and I just want to go back to bed. I managed to have breakfast and take my meds this morning and made it to work on time, this may be a normal every day thing for most people but for me it’s an accomplishment. I walk to work every day because I only live a few blocks away, this was great when I didn’t have lupus, now I get to work and I’m ever more exhausted, ready to call it a day, but the day is only starting.

I really didn’t want this to turn into a rant but it has, moving forward I’ll try not to do that, but it’s hard not to.